Yesterday

When I was 6 years old, I used to cry a bit. I was like every other 6 year old, if I didn’t get my way, I’d cry. However, I was also in love with my beloved Steelers and wanted to become one so desperately. To do that, I knew I had to grow muscles and become stronger. My mom told me that when I cried, I was consuming a lot of energy which would prevent me from growing the muscles I needed to become the football hero I so envied. I really want to believe that story again. I want life to be as simple as it was when I was 6. I want to believe in dreams again. I’ve never cried so much or so hard over the last 24 hours.

It’s 4am, and I was awaken by the Beatles song “Yesterday” playing very loudly in my head. Why do I know the lyrics? I never really liked the Beatles, but for some reason I now know every word to that song. It’s really strange. I’ve been trying to cope with Emma’s death and nothing can come close to revealing how much pain I feel. I’ve read some great posts by Stepto and Michmas, but words don’t really make much sense yet.

Yesterday was like a blur to me. She’s gone, but she’s really here. She’s taught me so much about myself, my friends, my family, and my life. When I was 9 years old, I was given an assignment by my Sunday School teacher to write an essay on my hero. I thought long and hard about it, and eventually I wrote this short paper about my own father. He was a hero to me back then (still is), as he sacrificed every waking moment on me and my sister. I will continue to follow in his footsteps with my own children, and it is one of the things that kept me going over the last 7 months. When the monotony of going to the hospital every single day started to wear me down, I kept going. I just didn’t know any better, its in my blood. I didn’t know that I was supposed to give up when we found out that the twins had TTTS. I didn’t know I was supposed to give up when Emma caught an infection. I just didn’t know that people give up on these things. Emma didn’t know how to give up either. Emma has now become that hero to me too.

She gave us a great many gifts. Some are harder to realize than others. She was the poster child for perseverance and strength. I’m only starting to understand the other gifts she gave us. As I begin to comprehend those other gifts, I will share them with you all. She would have wanted it that way. Her lessons need to be passed on as far and as wide as possible.

But, I will always believe in Yesterday. 

Comments

#1 Good Morning Emma

Anonymous
12:00:00 AM Monday, May 19 2008

Originally this was for the morning of May 17th This morning we woke up before dawn and walked down to

#2 Remembering Emma

Anonymous
12:00:00 AM Monday, Apr 6 2009

Today marks one year since Emma passed away. Over the last few days I've been rereading my blog posts

#3 Climb For Kids – Ruth Mountain 2009

Anonymous
12:00:00 AM Tuesday, Jun 23 2009

Last Saturday, Climb For Kids hosted its first climbing event of 2009 . Ruth Mountain is supposed to

#4 My little pierogie

Anonymous
12:00:00 AM Tuesday, Apr 6 2010

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